Dear Gmail, OpenAI, and X (formerly Twitter, Grok),

Woof! This is DJ, the pug with the personality of a rockstar and the wisdom of a dog who’s definitely eaten more homework than most kids will admit. I’m not here to bark about treats, belly rubs, or even the mystery of why humans wear socks (seriously, what’s with that?). No, today I’ve got a bone to pick with a much bigger issue—spam messages flooding our inboxes like squirrels invading a quiet park.

You know the ones. The kind that sneak through contact forms with lines like, “Sorry to have to contact you through your contact form…”

Oh really? Because it seems like that’s the exact plan, isn’t it?

And you know what? Let me go off on a little rant here. Isn’t it wild how people do something on purpose and then kick it off with an apology? Like, they fully intend to interrupt you mid-conversation, and the first thing out of their mouth is, “Sorry to interrupt.” If you’re sorry… then don’t do it. It’s not like it slipped out by accident—you planned it. You literally led with the thing you supposedly regret. That’s like me walking up to another dog’s bowl, snatching a treat, and saying, “Sorry for stealing your snack.” If I’m that sorry, I wouldn’t be crunching it in my mouth right now, would I?

But hey, I digress.

The real point here is this: if your message starts with an apology, maybe that’s a clue you shouldn’t be sending it in the first place. And yet, these spammy messages keep sliding into our inboxes like they’re sneaking snacks under the table.

Couldn’t we use AI to fix this?

You’re telling me we have AI that can write poetry, paint pictures, drive cars, and even finish your sentences (creepy but cool), but we can’t figure out how to stop these spammy nonsense messages? Come on, team. Shouldn’t AI be able to tell the difference between:

• A legit customer inquiry, like someone asking for more info about your business
• A real message from a friend or client following up on a project
• An actual newsletter you signed up for (and forgot about—because, let’s be honest, we all do that)

And then there’s the spam—no offense, Spam, I actually love Spam. The food, not the email.

• Some random message from “Bob” who’s definitely not Bob, trying to sell me cryptocurrency I didn’t ask for
• An urgent email from the “Prince of Nigeria” claiming my long-lost relative left me $1 billion—but I just need to wire a small “processing fee” through Western Union to claim it
• A Craigslist reply from “Adgiboli Davies” or “Mack Jones” (yeah, pick a name, buddy) offering to buy your iMac with a check that’s about as real as a dog having a website with a blog—oh wait, this one actually happened
• That classic “Your package couldn’t be delivered. Click here to reschedule delivery” text with a sketchy link that looks like it was typed by someone rolling their face across the keyboard: http://track.yourpkg-123.biz (Yeah, hard pass.)
• That “we’ve been monitoring your account” message that’s so vague it could apply to literally anyone with an inbox

Imagine if AI could scan a message and think, “Do we know this person? Is this something my human would actually care about? Does this message smell like… bacon? No? Okay, probably spam.”

If we can teach AI to generate hilarious dog memes (which, by the way, I fully support), we can teach it to understand context, relationships, and intent. It doesn’t even have to be perfect—just better than letting spam sneak in disguised as “important opportunities.”

So, here’s my challenge:

Let’s work together—whether you’re at Google, OpenAI, or X (formerly Twitter, Grok). And by the way, when are we gonna stop referring to X as formerly Twitter? I asked ChatGPT, and it said it could be like 3 to 5 years.

(Anyway, back on track.)

The race is on. Because if a pug like me can spot the problem, you’ve definitely got the brainpower to fix it.

And if you need a mascot for the anti-spam movement… well, you know where to find me.

Snorts and tail wags,
DJ the Pug 🐶

(And seriously, can we get a pug emoji? Like, I know what you might be thinking—“we can't give a different emoji to all dogs,” and I get it, but pugs aren’t all dogs, they’re pugs. Like, most people like pugs. Fine, do a golden retriever too, but I think we already have one of those.)

Oh, and to any other AI companies out there—like, you know, Microsoft comes to mind—I didn’t mean to leave you out of this challenge. Feel free to help where you can. I remember Hotmail. It was awesome. One of my first email accounts. Classic vibes. I’m sure you guys can bring a lot to the table.

But look, I’m just an Apple guy. That’s it. I’m an Apple pug. No copyright infringement—I’m just saying I use Apple. It’s not like I’ve got a brand deal or anything. I just like the stuff. It works. Simple. Clean. Reliable. You know, except when autocorrect thinks I meant to say “ducking.” But whatever. That’s another rant for another day.